You've Gotta Learn How To NOT Fold 'Em

Why Timewaste from the fourth minute?

Hallam 1 v New Mills 0

FA Vase Second Round

Saturday 9 November 2024

Hallam had invited a group of lads down to be mascots and ballboys at today's game. Many non-league clubs, Hallam in particular, are great at that. Photos in the dressing room with the players. Photos on the pitch. Very inclusive and welcoming.

But, I'm afraid one little Herbert has let himself, his family and his erstwhile club down this afts.

What's he done Phil? The usual cartwheels and handstands over on the cricket pitch when he's supposed to be ballboying.

It's not the old chase your mate & throw chips at him routine is it? When there's three minutes left. You're one down. And the ball needs retrieving for a corner.

No mate. Worse. Unforgivable. And right in front of the Carrier Bag Firm an’ all.

Him and his mates have been given teamsheets, as a souvenir of their visit to Sandygate. The little fucker has made his into a Paper Aeroplane and launched it.

They've got to learn ‘em. You never, ever, crease or fold a teamsheet. Get him gone…

A bit of a kerfuffle over the Remembrance as well. Over Choreographed. Players and officials gather around the Centre Circle. Poem read. Last Post piped through the PA. Referee blows his whistle. Many in the crowd clap and some of the players, including goalkeeper, sprint to their positions ready for the off.

The referee has to bring them all back to the circle. His whistle was supposed to be the START of a two minutes silence. So back they come. Whistle. Silence. Whistle (again). Sprint to positions. Over Choreographed.

Step 5 Hallam v New Mills from the Step 6 North West Counties League Division One South.

Somewhat odd early tactics from the Millers. Every time the ball went towards their keeper, when he had time to do what he wanted, the New Mills bench gave a shrill whistle and a signal. And the keeper dribbled the ball deep into his own penalty area. And just stood there waiting for a Hallam attacker to come up to him. And then he would finally pick it up. Lollop to the edge of the area and punt it upfield.

Perfect tactics if you're one up with twenty to play. But, fucking baffling in the fourth minute!!!

Hallam started out going long to Gregg Smith. But that seemed to leave a big gap between the defenders and the midfield. With the midfield bypassed anyway. Increasingly, Gregg was distracted by needing to jog thirty yards and having to “put his foot in” to make the keeper pick it up.

I thought Hallam had the best of the chances in the first half. The New Mills keeper, Joey Oldham, making a couple of regulation, bordering on good, saves.

Brodie Litchfield (sponsored by Rachel and Phil Rose) had a good chance right in front of goal on 37. But. Airshot. That airshot sponsored by somebody else…

And Hallam's Hugo Warhurst had to make a great - let it hit his body - save on 43.

The half ended with all sorts of a-pushing and a-wrestling centred around Hallam #9 Gregg Smith. Nil Nil.

Hallam got in front on 54. A clumsy tackle on Leon Howarth. And the Ref has given it. Penalty. Leon sent the keeper the wrong way. One Nil.

The fucking New Mills keeper now stopped playing silly bollocks waiting to pick the ball up. I'm still mystified as to why they started that so early on. The game opened up. And Hallam had a number of chances.

Brodie Litchfield was played in on 61. But he overran it. And the keeper took it off him. Alfie Smith had a header flash wide. And only a great save denied substitute Rio Allan.

On 81, there was good penalty shout as Hallam's Sub Calum Ward was tripped. But the Ref waved it away. In the dying minutes, Jack Moore-Billam had a long mazy run, but his shot was blocked for a Hallam corner.

Feels odd that it's stayed just one nil. New Mills did alright. Apart from the fuck about thing by their keeper. But Hallam deserved the win.

I noticed Abbeydale Heathen was on one of the fonts in the 1860 Bar. I was tempted. But, stick with the winners.

SALT, Loom, Hazy Pale Ale on Keg at 4%

I know every Keg is essentially the same as every other Keg. But, if you're in the mood. You're in the mood. Tasted fucking glorious. Citrus leaning Grapefruit all over it. THE Footie Beer.

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