We. Are. Umarell.

Erith & Belvedere 1 v Chichester City 1

Isthmian League South East Division (Step 4)

Sunday 19 November 2023

Played at Park View Road. Groundshare at Welling United

Ground Tick #460

Clapton Community 2 v Benfleet 1

Eastern Counties League, First Division South (Step 6)

Saturday 18 November 2023

Ground Tick #459

England 2 v Malta 0

UEFA EURO 2024 Qualifiers Group C

Friday 17 November 2023

Played at Wembley

The Old Spotted Dog ground, home of Clapton Community, lays a claim to being the oldest senior football ground in London. I'm just going to repeat the claim. Because, you know, there'll be caveats. The OSD was my 459th ground tick. And I ticked #460 the day after, at Park View Road watching Erith & Belvedere.

That tight at times win over Benfleet marked a 15 match unbeaten run for Clapton Community. As I write, Clapton Community sit top of the division on 42 points from 22 games.

“Phil, may I ask, why are you long winding it as - Clapton Community? Just put - Clapton.”

“I am not long winding it. I'm distincting it. Because, while Clapton Community sit top of the Eastern Counties First South, CLAPTON are tenth…”

Let me explain. Clapton Community FC were only formed in January 2018. Formed by disillusioned fans of Clapton FC. The new club, I'm now going to say Clapton CFC, are 100% fan owned. They had to restart in the County Leagues. But, they won the Middlesex County League Division One Central and East in 2018/19. I'm going to moniker that Step 8.

They won the Middlesex County Premier (let's say Step 7) in 2022/23. And, here they are in the pukka National League Step system, looking for back to back promotions.

Meanwhile, in 2022/23, t’original Clapton were relegated from the Essex Senior League (Step 5). Meaning that old and new are in the same division this season. Around a month ago, Clapton CFC beat Clapton FC, here at the Old Spotted Dog, two one.

As part of the owner & financial problems for Clapton FC, the problems which essentially lead to the fan's disillusion and breakaway, they had been ejected from the Old Spotted Dog ground for non-payment of rent.

In a turnaround, by September 2019, the new club, Clapton CFC had acquired the lease on the OSD. And, indeed, by July 2020 the new club had actually bought the freehold, and now owned the Old Spotted Dog ground. Clapton CFC hosted their first competitive game at the Old Spotted Dog on 26 April 2023. And here we are.

Also. I've learned a new word.

Umarell

That's derived from Italian. From the Bolognese dialect. Roughly - Little Man.

But, most often used to portray an elderly gent, often in an anorak, probably with a woolly hat on, hands clasped behind his back, peering intently at ongoing roadworks, or people parking their car. The Umarell will be offering an invited running commentary on progress - well really on the LACK of progress.

Fan owned Clapton CFC are very much keeping politics in football. They are avowedly anti-fascist. And, a number of different ultra groups inhabit different bits of the ground.

For reasons which will be obvious, the Carrier Bag Firm have chucked our lot in with the - Umarell Oldtras.

Let's have a quick dive into how a Fan Owned club can operate.

Clapton CFC prefer a “pay what you want” policy on the turnstile. Now they're in Step 6, the FA won't allow that, the rule is a minimum admission fee for competitive games. So, unfortunately, they've gone with four quid for adults. Of course, that doesn't apply to us Umarell Oldtras. We're in “concessions”. Concessions are - pay what you want.

Concessions cover:

Clapton CFC members

Newham residents

Teenagers (13 to 19)

Over 60s - HUZZAH

Students and apprentices

Trade union members

Unemployed people and those on low income

People with disabilities and health conditions

Refugees, asylum seekers and undocumented migrants

“Fuck me, Phil.”

I can hear you say.

“That must cause chaos at the gate. Some fucker having to check the paperwork for all that lot.”

Not so. No ID is required to qualify for concessions. Clapton CFC will take your word for it. At the turnstile, you tell them you are a concession. You don’t have to say which one. And - pay what you want.

“Alright Phil, but do they do printed programmes?”

“Yes - those are pay what you want.”

“Please, please Phil. Tell me the well appointed, welcoming and efficient bar is also pay what you want for local independent Craft Beer…”

The - pay what it says on the price list - in ground offering included;

Pretty Decent Beer Co (Waltham Forest), Old Scaffold Daze, Hazy Session IPA on Keg at 4.5%

That one brewed specially for Clapton CFC. Commemorating one of the more thrown together stands at the Old Spotted Dog. Incidentally, that artists impression logo is not strictly accurate. The brickwork has - All Coppers Are Bastards - painted on it.

This being a progressive, inclusive football club, you'd be disappointed if there weren't a Gluten Free option.

Pretty Decent Beer Co, The Greatest Love Story, Gluten Free Single Hop (Simcoe) Pale Ale from a Tin at 4.5%

Look. We're not amateurs. We know what we're doing. We're the Umarell. We knew that Pretty Decent Beer Co were sold at the ground. So, we also had the sesh in their Taproom.

Pretty Decent Beer Co - Forest Gate Taproom

340 Sheridan Rd, London E7 9EF

They had nine of their own on Keg. And a fridge full of cans.

We went;

Pretty Decent Beer Co, My Ex Was In A Band And They Had A Hit Called Sheryl Crow, West Coast Pale on Keg at 5%

Brewed with Cascade, Amarillo and El Dorado.

Pretty Decent Beer Co, Live Love Laugh, Hazy IPA on Keg at 5.8%

Fairly neutral smell. Juice is well balanced. The bitterness comes in dandelion. Moreish. Great beer.

Pretty Decent Beer Co, Morning Steve! Hazy IPA on Keg at 5.8%

Citra, Mosaic, Galaxy.

Pretty Decent Beer Co, Moo-tiny On The Bounty, Coconut & Vanilla Porter on Keg at 5.7%

Wasn't on the list this one. You know the drill. Chat to the barperson about beer. In short order, they'll recommend one. Excellent. The vanilla smooths it out. And the coconut kicks in. Bounty ... Yeah.

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