The Lock's Inside, The Key's Outside

Sheffield United 0 v Crystal Palace 1

Premier League

Saturday 12 August 2023

SUFC 2023/24 Game #6

A new season in the Premier League for my football club. Game six of my SUFC season. All of those previous were first team friendlies. No Academy games to date. There'll be a rant about that in midweek, on the next Blog. So, you might want to cancel your subscription before then.

It's not a revamp, but it is the right occasion for a reiterating recap relaunch of the Blog.

The Blog College I studied at emphasised - be positive, don't say what you're not. But, I've no interest in misleading anyone.

Do NOT come to this Blog for detailed tactical analysis.

Do not come to this Blog for player ratings.

And certainly, do not come to this Blog for transfer rumours.

There will very rarely be any insights which involve a pound sign.

I'm unapologetic, the Carrier Bag Firm celebrate the GOING to the game. I am not a football fan. I am not a Sheffield United fan. I am a fan of going to watch Sheffield United play.

There are many other Bloggers, Vloggers, Podders who cover the stuff I don't. Give them a try. But…

If you want the best analysis of set ups at defensive corners on the entire TikTok-ery.

If you want to hear about some of the mad shit that "they" have come up with to complicate football-land.

If you want to go deeeeep into the anorak geekery of the Carrier Bag Firm.

If you want ill thought out, snap judgements about players, all basically concluding - I Love Him.

If you want all the brewery, pub, bar and beer action, including lager where appropriate.

If you want to hear the Beer In The Ground KLAXON.

If you want a fucking adventure.

Then. You've come to the right place. Stick with it (please). Three match trials are always available. ALL welcome. No runners.

Football is broken. We broke it. You come into the final week of preparation. Not knowing which players will still be around for the Friday run to the Chippy. You have to have a - three things you won't know about me - icebreaker at training every morning to welcome the new lads. Your media team are filming announcement videos in lay-bys on The Snake Pass. It's a fucking broke joke.

"Calm it. Wait until September. You can maybe relaunch the Blog again, Phil"

We had to dig deep. Reliable Oli Norwood was the front screen at defensive corners. Basham, Chris Basham, was the zone man.

We need an explanation of the picture to understand today's "Mad Shit". The story being told is that United have changed security company - stewards to you and me. There were a few old faces around. Who have maybe transferred over to the new company. But, Bramall Lane was the scene of a host of impromptu briefings some time after the turnstiles should have opened. Snaking queues of Holmesdale Fanatics waiting for the away turnstiles to open.

The situation was a bit calmer outside the South Stand. As you can see, one Carrier Bagger patiently awaiting admission. I don't know him. But, Game Recognise Game. I'm now going to draw your attention NOT to the guy in cut off strides. But, to the Hi Viz Steward you can just see through the crack in the gate.

Cut Offs had been a-banging and a-hollering on the gate. Because, and not a lot of people know this, Cut Offs has the key to open the turnstiles FROM THE INSIDE. And, unless it's a fucking PhotoShop, you'll be aware Cut Offs is ON THE FUCKING OUTSIDE.

Hidden Hi Viz had been told;

"Don't open this gate to ANYONE. No matter what story they come up with. We get the Carrier Bag Firm outside this gate. And, they'll blag owt. No one. Understand."

So, we very quickly reached Peak Day One Sheffield United. The turnstiles need to be opened from the inside. The key is outside. And Hi Viz won't let Cut Offs (who we now know is Kevin The Key) in under any circumstances. The Promised Land some people call the Premier League.

In the event, we set up with the tried and trusteds where we had them. We didn't have them up top. So we went with Osula and new guy Traoré. It was our - football is broken, wait until September XI.

I thought we did OK. We stayed in the game for long periods. We weren't going to be overrun. But, we had no real outlet. I've written before about Will's - I'm a striker, I ain't passing - single mindedness. Fair enough. But, needs more.

There'll be a lot said by others about refereeing and VAR in the Premier League this season. At core, reffing the PL is straightforward. If you kick someone. Or give 'em a shove. It's a free kick. We left our foot or arm in too much. And we conceded lots of free kicks. Palarce were cuter. Leaning in. Rather than barging in.

We came up with those comments in;

Jabbarwocky

308-310 London Rd, Highfield, Sheffield S2 4NA

Which is a nigh on perfect post match bar. (Although now a bit more of a hike from the new CBF enclave in the South Stand).

Polly's Brew Co (Flintshire), After Hours, Hazy IPA on Keg at 6.4%

Nelson Sauvin, Galaxy, Simcoe. I'm not going to lie and say I could taste all those individual hop profiles. That was a lovely thick n chewy opaque mess of a beer. I got a lot of tobacco in the bitterness. There was a bit of juice which came later.

Shiny Brewery (Little Eaton), UwU, Fruited Sour on Keg at 4.8%

I'm going to keep attacking the Sours when I see them. I loved this one. Fruited with Yuzu. Reminded me on the old lemonade alcopops. My mate Joe used to order Sheffield Shandies. Non-alcoholic beer, mixed with alcoholic lemonade. FFS. It didn't really taste sour at first. Indeed, rather sweet. But, the sourness catches you up. It finishes a bit alcoholic ginger beer.

North Riding Brewery (Scarborough), Mosaic Pale on Cask at 4.3%

Hhhhmmmm. That was served just a bit too warm for my taste. But, otherwise, a beer for the ages. Settled clear as a bell. Head, lacing, the lot. Growing hop flavour.

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