The Deployment Of A Backhander

England 657 all out (101 Overs)

v Pakistan 181 for 0 (51 Overs)

Close on Day 2

Friday 2 December 2022

Played at Rawalpindi

The Beer Hunting

Got to start with the Beer Hunting today. Just got to.

I would welcome a reasonably robust Urdu translation of the "mantra".

"I am not interested in Quantity"

"I am not interested in Quality"

"I am not even interested in Price"

"What I need is VARIETY in beers"

"You have to drink them ALL"

Because today's Beer Guy didn't get it. He had no concept of

"Show me what you have”

I could partly explain the problem by means of the following televisual device. Unusually for my Blog, this photo will require a caption and explanation.

There are three people pictured. To protect the innocent, I don't believe they can be identified. (Narrator - no innocent people pictured). One guy is wearing a white hat. One guy has long hair. And one guy is located high in the picture. Essentially in silhouette, with a bright light behind him.

"Who is he then, who is Silhouette Shahid?"

"But he's peering out of a sort of hole in the wall, just one foot square"

"But, he's sort of elevated. You'd have to reach up full arm stretch to pass the money and grasp the merch"

"He's the fucking Beer Guy"

"It looks pitch black down there. He's backlit. How do you know what's going down"

"How has he got that gig, Phil?"

"I am firmly of the opinion he continues to operate with impunity by the deployment of a backhander"

"How many did you get to tick, Phil"

"What d'ya mean you asked for two?"

"When I asked for two, Beer Guy said - two cans, or two cases - that is how Beer Guy rocks"

The guy in the white hat had been Beer Guyed before. He told someone else in the hotel about Beer Guy. And that guy told me.

It was down a mud path off the Main Drag. Don't go into the yard with the electrics for the refrigeration unit. You obviously skirt around that. (Narrator - Phil didn't skirt). Turn left through the next gate. Step over the concrete blocks. Bang on something. Door, "window", just bang. Beer Guy "appears" to basically tell you what he is selling you.

He does not have a Social Media presence.

The Beer

Murree Brewery, Wheat Beer from a Tin at 5.5%

I mean, you'd drink that just for "the story". But, it was decidedly OK. More on the spicy side than the gentle banana side. It pulls up just a little too sweet. And the initial attraction wears a bit. But, look where we are in the geo-political swing of things. Decidedly OK.

The Cricket

See. I told you so. Having watched England set speed records yesterday, Pakistan's way into the game is to set endurance records. Maybe that England total was a little disappointing from where we started today. Stokes hit the second ball of the day for Six. But, was out quickly. Bowled backing away and trying to steer. Harry Brook was still bang at it. I Blogged his 24 run over yesterday. That equalled (with Botham) the English Test record for most runs from an over. This morning's knock included this fucker

to take the record outright at 27.

Pope missed a difficult catch off Leach. The Pontiff also thought he'd caught one down the legside off Anderson. But it looked clear on the big screen it'd grassed. Not Out confirmed. Stokes, wisely in my view, went through the bollocks. Yorkshire Wall fields. Packed leg side. Few overs of short stuff. Etcetera. Otherwise, I've got nowt.

The Hypochondria

My name is Phil, I'm a Type II Diabetic.

Which in tourist Pakistan is not an easy thing to control by diet. Sugar is everywhere. The drinks in the fridge at the cricket are all full sugar. Whatcha gonna do. I'm on me holibobs, I'm drinking them.

I am currently beyond the reach of weighing scales (for BMI measurement).

I have avoided the croissants and pastries at the buffet breakfast.

We have buffet Lunch hospitality at the cricket and then a box of food for Tea. I'm having the desserts with those. We're not savages, we're just watching the very extraneous Tate n Lyle.

In 2022, I average 10,653 steps a day.

We're here to put turnover Beer Guy's way.

I average TEN units of alcohol per week over the past 7 days.

And, my 30 day average units of alcohol is SIX per week.

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