One Man Firm

Newbury Forest 1 v St Margaretsbury 3

Eastern Counties League First Division South (Step 6)

Wednesday 19 April 2023

Played at Oakside Stadium, Ground Share with Redbridge

No Beer Day.

Joyous, just joyous evening out East. Oakside, home of Redbridge and shared by Newbury Forest, is my 425th ground tick. That joyous evening brought to us courtesy of that rarely spotted phenomenon - The One Man Firm. The last one I recall was Hull Chanty Guy. When Sheffield United U23s played Hull City at Whitby Town in 2018.

"Phil, what in the name of your chosen Deity is a One Man Firm?"

"Easy, think Ultra."

"But Phil, you see Ultras at more and more games nowadays, what made it joyous tonight?"

"I didn't say Ultras, I said ULTRA, singular."

One guy. With a club flag. First half at the end his team were attacking. Swapped at half time for reasons obvs. Belting out all the songs. Cheering his team on. On his Jacks. Without a care in the World. Joyous.

OK. His St Margaretsbury (the away team remember) flag was shit. He'd not thought at all about letter size and spacing. OK. His flag logistics were shit. No ties. No string. No gaffer tape. No bulldog clips. He was constantly trying to hang it over things and impromptu drape it on trees. OK. The language in his songs was fucking appalling at times. OK. He fell back on all the tried and trusted chants you'd hear night in, night out at professional club grounds. OK. Many of his chants were (therefore) about how fucking shit the opposition were. Rather than in true joyous support of his team. OK. He's majored on abusive songs about the Ref & Linos.

But, on kick off, a rousing rendition of When The Saints Go Marching In set the bar high.

"<insert manager's name> <insert manager's name> give us a wave <insert manager's name> give us a wave"

Elicited the correct (wave and clap above head) response from the St Margaretsbury bench.

A Newbury Forest sub, warming up, said to me;

"I wish that prick would shut up."

Good Lad, One Man Firm - getting under the oppos skin.

His team had gone a goal down on 42.

"Sing when you're winning, you only sing when you're winning."

He taunted the decidedly NOT singing Newbury handful in the side stand. The Saints equalised immediately. And further goals on 79 and 89 thoroughly, I'm saying thoroughly, rewarded the One Man Firm for his efforts.

The players and staff applauded him at the end. Handshakes. Fist Bumps. Man Hugs. And, he'll fucking do it all again away at Enfield Borough on Saturday (I'd expect).

All that was surpassed early in the first half. The first goal kick at One Man Firm's end by the Newbury Forest keeper. OMF has done the trembling hands actions, the anticipation building aaaahhhh middle bars, rising to the crescendo.

"You're shit … aaaaaahhhhhh"

Standard.

A few minutes later, during a lull in play, the Newbury keeper came for a pull on his water bottle.

"Sorry about that keeper, nothing personal, enjoy the game."

He's a One Man Firm, he's not a fucking savage.

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