Meet ... Don Tallon

England 325 for 9

v Australia

Second Test

Thursday 4 December 2025

close on Day One

Played at The Gabba, Brisbane

Australian Beer Ticks #486

I've counted SIX Hot Dogs he's had.

A strange end to the day that one. It was almost like Smith's brain was fried. I guess the Australians just didn't want to be facing two overs, under the lights at quarter past nine at night.

You'd got Top Gun, Mitchell Starc, bowling to Number Eleven, Joffra Archer, with everyone back on the boundary. Strange.

At one stage, I suggested to the Carrier Bag Firm that England should do the thing that Australia seemed to least want…

Archer and Root should just knock it back to them and play for the close here.

AnyRoadUp, a bit of intelligent biff in the morning could see that tenth stand climb a bit more. It's already in the sixties.

Today's history lesson concerned Queensland wicketkeeper Don Tallon, who died in 1984. Don played 21 Tests, and was part of the Australian Ashes “Invincible” side in 1948. All told, Don scored just shy of 400 Test runs. And held 50 catches and took 8 stumpings.

But, Don is not in this story for his cricket achievements. Don is in this story because he had a bar in the Gabba named after him - The Don Tallon Bar, at the back of the Sir Leslie Wilson Stand.

It was ever thus. Queensland Colonial Governor lickspittles get stands named after them. Wicketkeepers - just the Bar.

According to Dave, my neighbour at the cricket today, the Don Tallon Bar had a bit of a rep for serving ale to underagers. In 1984, Dave and some of his mates wagged school, attended the first day at the Gabba, put on their Big Boys Trousers and generally fucking got at it in the Don Tallon.

Today was the FORTY FIRST consecutive Gabba first day that Dave has attended since tgen. Despite the fact that the Don Tallon Bar is no more. At the height of his powers, Dave was granted a block booking of three fucking hundred tickets for the Gabba first day. And used to bring everyone in under a flag of convenience - The Don Tallon Bar Memorial XI. Times change - today there were four of ‘em.

Still managed to knock a Schooner over and drown my row though.

So far, in this pivotal Ashes Series, the Gabba is in the lead. Brisbane > Perth, as the Cool Kids say. As we approached the two o'clock start time, the number of participants in the fucking flag, and welcome, and anthems, and mascots, and trophy presentation, and all that shite … the number of participants encroaching onto the grass reached one hundred and thirty seven. Fuck me.

Perth only amassed one hundred and twenty - poor that.

There was still time for more pitch encroachment nonsense later on during the break. This time that was courtesy of our old friend - Sponsor Bollocks.

That SB culminated in people on the pitch, using catapults to fire things into the crowd.

What's that you say? Nothing to see there Phil. Old Hat that. Lobbing stuff into the crowd.

Pyjamas Mate. Fucking Pyjamas. They were lobbing Pyjamas into the crowd. Well into one single block actually. In the expectation that the silly bastards would put them on. And create the “QANTAS PJ Bay”. Fucking Pyjamas…

Mind you, Pyjamas be an improvement on some of the Banter Shirts being sported. My block had a couple of “Steve Smith in tears” Banter Monsters. Up against an XXXL “Jonny Bairstow Keep On Walking”.

Here's a thing. If Starc is bowling left handed, across right handed English Batters. Why don't they just leave well alone, so he has to bowl straighter, and then drive the fucker down the ground. But … what do I know? See also Brook and Jacks.

Starc irresistible at the start. Root irresistible down the stretch. Giggles at the end. Game On?

Mary Mae’s

At Brisbane Powerhouse

119 Lamington St, New Farm QLD 4005

Aether Brewing (Northgate QLD), Black XPA Limited Release 178, Black XPA on Keg at 5.2%

Roooooooot

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