I've Ticked 8. What You Got?

Sheffield United U18 1 v Cheltenham Town U18 0

FA Youth Cup, 3rd Round

Monday 18 December 2023

Played at Scunthorpe United

SUFC 2023/24 Game #32

Announcement. The Carrier Bag Firm have decided to implement an NTC - a New Ticking Category.

“Fuck sake Phil. Enough already. You fuckers are already ticking games, grounds, beers. It's just a me me me ego trip.”

“Yes. Correct. It's just a me me me ego trip. But, don't blame the CBF. Blame Sheffield fucking United. They're the ones doing shit which forces us to tick.”

I have seen Sheffield United XIs, all age groups, all competitions, play on 232 different football grounds. I have obvs seen us play before at tonight's venue, Scunthorpe United. So no new tick there.

But. Eight. I've got eight ticks in the New Category.

Bramall Lane

Shirecliffe Academy

Stocksbridge Park Steels

Chesterfield (current Whittington Moor site)

Handsworth

York City

Alfreton Town

and now - Scunthorpe United - eight ticks.

There are some in the Carrier Bag Firm who have ticked more than that.

The New Ticking Category is;

Grounds I have seen Sheffield United XIs play HOME GAMES on.

Because. Tonight's home FA Youth Cup game. A prestigious Youth tournament. Which you're supposed to play, under lights, at your home stadium, which may I remind you is Bramall fucking Lane. Is being played at Scunthorpe United. As a Home Game. Presumably after last year's failed experiment to play home FA Youth Cup games at Alfreton Town.

Fucking Joke. But, hey, I've ticked EIGHT now!!!!

What you got?

And, it's fair to say Scunthorpe United staff were not prepared for the CBF descending on them. The coach doors opened. And there was a blizzard of seventy year olds darting into reception. That'd be reception where a pile of Sacred Teamsheets were being guarded by one of the uninitiated.

“Could I have six please? Ten if you can manage.”

“Four more for me please.”

“They're just photocopies. It's no skin off your nose. I need seven.”

Well. Panic was beginning to set in as I neared the front. As Scunthorpe could see their pile of paper rapidly diminishing to what I can only describe as zealots. Dear reader. The R Word was being deployed.

“We'll have to Ration them at this rate…”

Now. I don't collect stuff. I don't need a Teamsheet for anything more than a photo for So Meed and this Blog. But, as I was preparing my smiley face to ask the lady, she'd gone all;

“Do you all really need so many, what are you doing with them, we haven't got many left, we've got to keep some back for other people, we'll have to start rationing them.”

That, obvs, gave me the chance to deploy my one, disarming, but “hilarious” Teamsheet Collection Joke.

“ Oh, if you're rationing them, I can help out, I'm here to support Sheffield United, it's only their team I'm interested in.”

“Just give me half a Teamsheet. But make sure it's the Sheffield United half.”

Whooooooosh

Ryan Andrews doing the diving and punching. Back three with wingbacks tonight. Jayden Prunty, Dovydas Sasnauskas, Zain Tahir - all good and steady and in the main unflustered. Dovydas the pick. The ever more Baldock-esque Zach Giggs on the right. Mekhi Haughton-Parris out left. Billy Blacker stepping back into midfield for this one. Alongside pocket rocket Jaye Long and Sam Aston. Recent first team debutant Ryan Oné and Jackson Blaize up top.

A welcome return for Ethan Cummings after a bad injury. He was on the bench. But came on at 74 for the tiring, but otherwise composed and influential, Long. King Kurt Havenhand was also on the fringes, doing a bit of cheerleading, rabble rousing and ball boying. Maybe not too long until he's back with a shirt.

A somewhat unconvincing win for the Teeny Blades. In their unusual Scunthorpe surroundings, in front of 174, with Cheltenham parents and fans bringing most of the atmosphere.

Fairly desperate at the end. Trying to see the game out. Ryan Oné subbed off on 90+6 to run the clock. Cheltenham certainly had their chances. Including a blaze over on 90+3. Andrews kept United in it at times.

The first green shoots of cramp, always a lovely moment in the Youth Cup, came on just 62 minutes, to Brandon Liggett the Cheltenham armbander.

United had started like the train that we'll have to start using if home games continue to be played so far away. The opener, only, and winner coming on just 4 minutes. A deep corner by Sam Aston, found a simple peel off to the back pattern by Blacker, and a neat calm cushioned header back across goal nestled in the corner.

Look. It's not his fault. But it's certainly not mine. When you fetch a player in - Ryan Oné - with “a reputation” - with the physicals - it creates an expectation. An expectation that, at a level like this, he might rip it up. He didn't. A couple of times, he made himself available, kept his eye on the ball, stayed strong to shrug his man off. All goooood. But his close control, and his unwillingness to pull the fucking trigger let him down. Badly. At other times he just looked nowhere near it. Balls he should be winning. Bouncing twice before he can get anything on.

Marshall Francis replaced Blaize on 57. And went on to look the liveliest United striker out there.

The Carrier Bag Firm had sharpened their Teamsheet queue elbows in;

The Honest Lawyer

70 Oswald Rd, Scunthorpe DN15 7PG

A long narrow gaff. One of those smaller, quasi Micropubs that has become “a local”. Rather than a push ahead outlet for smaller local independent breweries. And rather than a Prosecco and Peroni ideas above bar. You could tell from the branded glasses and abandoned pumps that they're veering towards safer, advertised beers.

Dark Star Brewing Co, Hophead on Cask at 3.8%

Sharp's Brewery, Solar Wave, Hazy IPA on Cask at 4.6%

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