I Don't Speak Italian, I Invent It

USD Castellanzese 4 v Vado 2

Serie D, Girone A

Thursday 22 Sep 2022

Played at Stadio Municipale Giovanni Provasi

Italian Beer Ticks - 55

Unfortunately, I do not speak Italian. Yet, this very day, I have introduced a new phrase into the already evocative Italian language. It's not often you can claim that.

“Birraio del Cuculo”

I coined that with my new mate, the owner and brewer at

Q Quality Relax

Via E. Cantoni, 51, 21053 Castellanza VA, Italy

(And, I mean, I could have led with that remarkable bar name anyway). My new mate learned to speak English in Cork!!! And he was trying to explain to me that he was the brewer of the Zanza Brew beers on the lines. Or, at least that he sent "them" the recipes. Which he delightfully pronounced receeps rather than recipees. And, that he went to a brewery run by someone else to brew to the receeps.

"Oh, I see, in English you'd be a Cuckoo Brewer”

"A Birraio del Cuculo"

He fucking loved that. Coined a new Italian phrase, me.

There was also the usual Carrier Bag Firm dilemma. When he asked me what brought me to his far flung corner of Milan.

Do I want to look like a fucking weirdo and say - come all the way from England for some Thursday afternoon non-league football on a park down the road.

Or. Do I want to look like a fucking weirdo and say - come all the way from England to drink your beer, because I'm trying to drink every beer in Italy.

Fucking weirdo.

When we woke this morning, we did not know that Serie D game, at Stadio Municipale Giovanni Provasi, my 404th ground tick, even existed. We woke to find the Ticking God's had smiled on us and it had been put back exactly 25 (shrugs) hours.

The only downside to the day was that the driver of the 2:12pm, #110 bus North from Legnano Station, would not accept my Mi1 - Mi7 One Day Romper. So, we had to walk to Q Quality Relax. Not straightforward. This Craft Beer Bar in deep North West Milan seemed to specialise in Hungarian Beers. Anyway, we went;

Zanza Brew, Amnesia Haze Beer, Pale Ale on Keg at 4.9%

I'm hearing the receep called for Columbus and Magnum in the Hop messing about. I found it a very herby pale. Mouthfeel was thin. But that suited the beer. Not much happening in the sacred department of bitterness. But, this beer is not supposed to be telling that story.

Zanza Brew, Amnesia Haze Strong Ale, on Keg at 8%

Not sure what he's up to there. I sort of assumed a hyped up version of the previous. But, it wasn't. It certainly looked the ticket. But it should have been thick enough to stand a spoon up in it and dripping with residual sugar. But, it wasn't. Some honey. A bit of anaesthetic abv. But, shoots off all malty in the finish.

Nice ground. Fans all on one side. Mainly in a box to box, eight row stand. Disappointingly, no Curva. Where you'd hope any Ultras would be. I mean, I'm not going to be too critical. But the Castellanzese Ultras were effectively three blokes, older than me, one drum, one horn and two big (green n black) flags on poles for a good old wave. Basically, they're a Multi-Tasking Firm. Four "implements". Three Personnel. You couldn't have the drum, the horn and both flags all at the same time. To cap it all, towards the end of the game, I realised that the guy who was monopolising one of the flags was doing it one handed, with his other arm in a sling. Still CBF recognise CBF.

Nice game too. Good surface. Some good technical skills on display. The home team cruised into a three nil lead. And, for all money, looked like they might run away with it. But, Vado got back in & scored to make it 3-1. My punditry said - if they score again, make it 3-2, this'll get tasty. And, on 80, they did. And it did. Lots of timewasting and shithousery. The Vado subs were acting as multi ball boys at one stage. With the Castellanzeseianite subs trying to steal the balls off them. Larks.

Anyway. Board went up. Plus Four. But the home team sealed it 4-2 on 90+2. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Despite the lack of a usable Romper for the #110 Bus, we made our way over to

Birrificio di Legnano

Corso Giuseppe Garibaldi, 130, 20025 Legnano MI, Italy

A dark interior with loud music. Or a sprawling beer garden with an uneven floor rocking every table and a fucking swimming pool. I couldn't see any brewing kit. But, they essentially had twelve of their own on.

Birrificio di Legnano, Tarcisio, Session IPA on Keg at 4%

Easy drinking, straw coloured pale. Peach fruity. Nice & light. Bit of a stretch to bill it as Session IPA. But, we are where we are. Paired it with salami rolls, ham & lettuce sarnies, & vol au vents. Don't get me wrong I didn't order them. They've just come by magic as part of the "cover charge".

Birrificio di Legnano, Frogs, American IPA on Keg at 6.9%

Leans a long way towards a slightly under hopped DIPA. And all the better for that leaning. Vaguely treacle smell. But, some bitter ooommmppphhh as you get going. And that comes in a bit marmalade. Great beer.

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