He's Not Doing Knock Backs

Hallam 3 v Irlam 3

FA Cup Extra Preliminary Round

Sunday 6 August 2023

I'm a Hallam fan. But, for those who have never been deep into my Blog before, I'm not a knowledgeable Hallam fan. No Siree. The one thing that Carrier Bag Firm life teaches you is - how to prioritise. My football priorities lie with Sheffield United FC. And, I can only attend Hallam games if I'm not with The Blades. So I'm afraid I don't attend nearly enough to be knowledgeable.

And I'm aware that real, proper, knowledgeable Hallam fans might read this Blog by mistake. And, I would in no way wish to upset them. Because it's easy to talk down to Step 5. Without really meaning to. It's easy to come across all - "mad game" "don't know what's going to happen next" "how could you not enjoy that one". As if it's not "real" football. Which it most decidedly is. The point I'm making is that, even as a self identifying Hallam fan, I'm more invested in the joy and entertainment of being there, rather than in the performance and result.

Indeed, I hope some Hallam fans do stumble across the Blog. To engage them a bit, I'm even going to cut out the fucking swearing.

What a game. The beginning round of the FA Cup. Winner. Stays. On. Drawers come back Tuesday. Seven Hundred and Thirty Two teams have entered. Harleston Town, Heacham and Okehampton Argyle have entered for the first time. Both Hallam and today's opponents Irlam play at Step 5. But, seven Step 6 clubs - Brislington, Hartpury University, Liskeard Athletic, Okehampton Argyle, Stockport Town, Wells City and Wendron United - have also entered.

The eventual winners of the replay will draw £1,125 from the prize fund. The losers will trouser £375.

Last season, Hallam finished sixth in the Northern Counties East Premier Division. Played 38, won 21, drew just 4. Irlam were 17 (of 22) in the North West Counties Premier Division.

I was with some friends from the West Midlands who were ground ticking Hallam. They asked me about the players.

"Haven't you read the Blog? I'm not a KNOWLEDGEABLE Hallam fan."

Indeed, my explanations always cover the same narrative.

"The keeper is Hugo Warhurst, he played in Sheffield United's Academy."

"Number 4, Nico De Girolamo, is the elder brother of Diego, who played a few times at Sheffield United."

"Three, Daniel Pudil, has got 35 caps for the Czech Republic!!!"

(Spoiler Alert) Incidentally, the 90+ equaliser was scored by goal machine & SuperSub Kieren Watson. Who, you will see, is not even listed on that teamsheet.

On 16 minutes, Irlam beat the offside trap, ran the ball deep into the area, and squared it for Nicholas Taylor to open the scoring.

The CBF had a VAR discussion. My mate Fab declared.

"It probably wasn't offside, because there's no complaining from the fans up there."

Now is as good a time as any to explain to Blog readers what I explained to Fab.

A lot of those "fans up there" are understandably distracted by, and concentrating on, the superb beer offering in the clubhouse. Which includes;

Bradfield Brewery, Farmers Blonde on Cask at 4%

SALT, Loom, Pale Ale on Keg at 4%

SALT, Jute, Session IPA on Keg at 4.2%

Now, as I've said, I'm a Hallam fan. But, be honest, you're not going to be fully switched on for gnats bollocks offside calls with all that going on!!!

(Anyway, Matey was in his own half when the pass was hit - CBF decision ONSIDE)

Just two minutes later, Irlam worked it down the right. This bloke Taylor came in with it on his left. And curled a superb two niller past Hugo W.

On 37, you thought Irlam might run away with it. A bit of speculation into that inside right channel again. And Declan Daniels scored with a shot across H Warhurst. Looks a long way back from there. But, whisper it, that's the point I was making at the top. It's the Cup. It's non-league. It's Hallam. The long way back starts here.

A long ball kicked out by Hugo fell into the path of Pudil and he rifled it home. I'll be honest, I didn't have a perfect view. As I was rescuing two pints of Jute at the time!!!

And. Then. After plenty of chances, particularly for Hallam, and periods of sustained pressure. It all came down to injury time. A clumsy challenge just inside the box. Penalty to Hallam. Oli Fearon sending the keeper the wrong way. And, on 90 plus quite a bit. A ball worked left to right across midfield. A deep enticing cross. An enticing cushion header across the six yard line. And another enticing knock back across. FFS no more enticing please - that's enough. Kieren Watson ain't doing knock backs. I'm knowledgeable enough to know that.

Threes Each.

As I've admitted, we did venture into Loom & Jute. But, the beer I'm going to Blog is;

Saltaire Brewery, DDH Citra, Double Dry Hopped Pale on Cask at 4.2% in The Rising Sun, Fulwood Road

Very aromatic. Enticing you in. (Editor's Note - Phil, you can drop out this enticement motif any time you fancy).

Mad game, don't know what's going to happen next, how could you not enjoy that one?

(Be honest readers, it's not as good without the swearing.)

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