Down To Ten, Up To Eleven

Abbey Hey (Step 6) 0 v Avro (Step 4) 5

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Tuesday 11 July 2023

Ground Tick 435

Yet more lovely non league kit shenanigans out at Abbey Hey. Tonight, it looked like home team, Abbey Hey, were going to do the Two Halves, Two Elevens shuffle. Some lads were warming up in what I take to be their away kit (Yellow Tops, Blue Shorts, White Socks). Others were running around cones in what I take to be their home kit (Red Jerseys, Black Knickers, White Stockings). Abbey Hey Yellows took the field for the first half. Except, as you can see from the photo, wires were crossed. Number 17 had clearly been under the impression he was playing the second half. So, while every one one of his pals looked resplendent in their blue shorts. He looked like a cock in his black shorts. As an aside, he did also come on as a colour coordinated red shirt (number 4 this time) sub late in the second half.

In 2022/23, Abbey Hey finished 15 of 20 in the Step 6 North West Counties First Division South. Tonight's opponents, Avro, played last season in the Step above, the North West Counties Premier Division. In which they did very well. Finishing second (behind Vauxhall Motors). Promoted with 87 points from 42 games. So, this coming season, they're having a crack at the Step 4 Northern Premier League West. That's the same level as Sheffield Club and Stocksbridge Park Steels, albeit in a different regional division.

One person who fully understood the gap between Step 6 and Step 4, was the travelling Avro Pundit. Silly twat. Maybe he's a fringe player, maybe he's someone's mate, maybe he's just a silly twat. Leaning on the fence. Far side from the dugouts. Wanted to waste no opportunity to tell his playing mates just how poor Abbey Hey were. But, mainly wanted to make sure the Abbey Hey lads heard his opinion of them. Twat.

"These are bad players these, horrendous."

It was nil nil at that stage. After 25 minutes.

"Got to be a team of trialists these, got to be."

His beloved Avro had taken the lead through a disputed penalty by that pronouncement. One Nil. The Avro players themselves were complaining like fuck at every decision. A bit difficult to work out what happened on 40. And the Avro Pundit was no fucking use in explaining it. The ref gave a free kick on the edge of the box to Abbey. Accompanied by much fucking Avro complaining natch. So much that (our take is) the Ref had heard enough and sent the Avro keeper off for Chippy Lip.

The keeper on the bench started blue arse flying. But, in the end, an outfield player put the kit on for the last few minutes of the half. During which, ten man Avro extended their lead. A hard drive was sliced into his own net by an Abbey defender.

So, I suppose you're wondering how Step 4, but ten men, Avro fared in the second half against Step 6, but all now fresh and wearing the same colour shorts, Abbey Hey.

We'll never know. Because "something had been done" and Avro came out for the second with the sub keeper betwixt sticks - their third keeper of the match. AND with ELEVEN MEN playing. In a classic, pre season - Down to Ten, Up to Eleven - sub plot.

Avro went three up on 66 with a neat glancing header. On 73, a low long range shot bounced over the keeper's hands. And on 76, a horrendous defensive error played the Avro striker in and he rattled it home. Three in ten minutes from Avro killed it all off.

And, to cap it all, there was a where the fuck has that come from Beer Tick in the Abbey Hey clubhouse.

Westgate Brewery (Wakefield), 1906 Pilsner on Keg at 4%

A football club in Manchester M18, supplied by a microbrewery in Wakefield, West Yorkshire. Odd. I think it's because Westgate are a brewing arm of HB Clark. Who are more of a beer supplier than a brewery. I'd guess Abbey Hey use Clark for their industrial bitter, lager and cider needs. And this Westgate Pilsner comes along for the ride. Still a Ticks a Tick. Pints were poured and discarded as cloudy, as were other beers. But, she eventually got one out she was happy to serve. It was OK for a footy lager.

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