Cocks v Pricks

Cockfosters (Step 5) 0 v Hadley (Step 4) 3

Friendly

Saturday 22 July 2023

Potters Bar Town (Step 3) 0 v Chesham United (Step 3) 1

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Saturday 22 July 2023

Those two new grounds on a double header day have pushed my Ground Ticks up to 439.

Oh what plans we had. A Hopping Friendly 12:30 kick off at Cockfosters. Fifteen minutes on the 298 Arnos Grove to Potters Bar bus for the three o'clocker against Chesham United. And, Cask Ales from Crouch Vale, Tring Brewery, Chiltern Brewery & Vale Brewery all recently checked in at the Potters Bar Town Clubhouse.

"And how did those plans map out, Phil?"

"Not fucking like that…"

As I "paid what I could afford" at the Cockfosters turnstile, five minutes before the half twelver, the players were just coming out for the warm up!!! The ref and linos came out to practice whistling and flagging ten minutes AFTER the advertised kick off!!! They kicked off at One O'Clock, the day spoiling bastards!!!

Last season, the late Cockfosters finished 5 of 20 in the Step 5 Spartan South Midlands League Premier Division. Played 38, won 17, drew 13. Step 4 opponents, Hadley, finished 9 of 19 in the Southern League Central. Played 36, won 15, drew 8.

Today was a bad tempered affair. To which I contributed. Early on, the Ref blew up for a foul by Hadley #15, maybe ten yards from his left touchline. Not happy with the decision, he fucking blasted the ball into the low, two row stand. Narrowly missing a lady, another hopper and the author as it thumped into the back wall. A number of us, including some Cocks directors/officials had our say. On countback, the description PRICK was the winner.

On 29, there was a kerfuffle up the end the 'Fosters were attacking. Mucho Protesto. Because 'Fosters Prick #6 had pulled the hairband off Hadley #17 and thrown it behind the goal (I mean, that's not without humour). The ref booked the headband detacher. But, the nudging and a-slagging continued. I watched closely. They were both niggling, but Hadley #17 was the first to go to ground clutching limbs - the prick. So, Cocks #6 had to go - Red Card. In the inevitable autopsy, mega prick and ball kicker at the Carrier Bag Firm, Hadley #15, confirmed his prick status by throwing a fucking punch. Missed by the officials. I was happy to grass him loudly for his earlier misdemeanors - the prick.

Eleven pricks Hadley took the lead on 38. They scored an offside goal more or less immediately. And, prick-in-chief Hadley #15 was finally booked for arguing the toss about that decision.

Hadley extended to two nil with a penalty right at the start of the second half. For most of that second half, I was constantly monitoring Transport for London live running. To see whether the 298 Bus to Potters Bar, for those beers in the clubhouse, was still a goer after the 30 minutes late start at Cockfosters, made ever later of course by constant prickery on the field. In the end, I left on 43 to get a fucking Uber to the next game. And, reports show, Hadley added a third after I'd left. FFS.

Still, I got to Potters Bar Town, ground tick 439, just as they were tossing for ends. I zoomed into the clubhouse. To find - just the fucking euro Lagers and nitro shit on the bar. No sign of these fucking Cask Ales checked in recently. The Cask Ales we've climbed over numerous pricks and fuck ups to get to. No sign. Because, the Carrier Bag Firm joined the prick ranks.

Those Crouch Vales, Trings, Chilterns, etc had been checked in at a fucking full on beer festival, the fucking week before, and we never fucking realised. Pricks. The Potters Bar bar had, understandably, returned to type.

Kicked off 30 minutes late, prick zinged the ball at me, had to get a Uber, a week late for the beers, didn't have a drink, Chesham U won it with a ridic deflection on 84. So, they're happy.

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